How to Overcome My Clinical Depression?

This post is in response to a question posted by Grace about her Clinical Depression. I believe that many people reading this blog would be suffering from some form of depression time to time… I used to do so myself. So, I hope my thoughts would empower you to transform the quality of your life.

Well Grace, if you want to breakthrough your depression and feel totally happy, confident and fulfilled, there are Three major mindset shifts that you must make right now.


1) You Are A Perfectly Normal Human Being…In An Un-Resourceful Emotional State

The first thing you MUST know is that there is NOTHING wrong with you! You are a perfectly normal and healthy person who has just developed a temporary habitual pattern of getting into a depressed state. All of us get depressed from time to time…even I do. I bet anyone who is reading this blog feels depressed at times too. If you do, pls leave a comment and prove me right. It is just that many people and I have found the right strategy to break our depression pattern and feel powerful instead. You can do the same thing immediately when you know how!

Once you LABEL yourself as having problem/ disease/condition called ‘clinical depression’, then you have doomed yourself to be this way for a very long time. As human beings, we always behave in a way that is consistent with our self image and identity. If you believe that you are clinical depressed, that mere thought will stimulate chemicals in your brain that will continue to make you feel depressed! The human mind cannot tell the difference between what is real and what you believe to be real! It is called a self-fulfilling prophecy. At the same time, you will always behave consistently with your self image and expectations. If you believe you are a depressed person, you are going to take on negative thoughts, see things in a pessimistic way and use your physical body in a certain way (slouch your shoulders, look down, breathe shallow, walk slowly), thereby reinforcing this negative pattern forever.

So, keep telling yourself that you are a happy and healthy person that MUST change your temporary negative emotion! In other words, your emotion does not define or change what or who you are!

2) Only YOU Can Change Your Emotions

The second thing is to understand that nothing can and will come along to change your emotions. If you are expecting that getting a boyfriend/husband, monetary windfall, promotion, a praise, loving words will change how you feel… It won't change how you feel permanently. The reason is because the secret to changing how you feel LIES IN the THOUGHTS you choose to have. It is your INNER WORLD you must change.

It is not the events that happen to us that determine how we feel. It is how we choose to look at those events and interpret those events that determine our emotional state. This is why a person like Britney Spears who was given all the fame, fortune, beauty, opportunity and love could still feel DEPRESSED AND LOUSY and in the end turn to alcohol and drugs that destroyed her marriage, her career and her life. If you are not happy with who you are today, then a billion dollars and a million fans will NOT make you happy. Courtney Live, Lindsey Lohan, Michael Jackson, Mike Tyson, John Belushi and Whitney Houston are again examples of people who have had everything most people would dream of but destroyed it all because they did not control their inner thoughts!

At the same time, look at people like Nelson Mandela, Nick Vujicic (the guy born with no arms and legs), my fellow trainer Dr. William Tan (paralyzed at age 2) or Oprah Winfrey who were given the most painful and unfair environment and circumstances any person could think of! Oprah was born to a 13-year old mother with no father. She was physically and sexually abused for over several years and got pregnant at the age of 12 herself. She gave birth to a still born and was sent to juvenile detention for criminal and drug activity brought on by her caregivers. And yet, this woman remains extremely confident and happy, loving herself every step of the way. It is her inner passion and love that has not only allowed her to become one of the wealthiest women on the planet, but allowed her to inspire the lives of millions.

So, you have to understand that NO MATTER what happens of the outside, it cannot affect how you feel unless you choose to allow it to. It is ultimately how you think, interpret and respond to the events in your life that determine how you feel.

3) You Can Change Your Emotions in An Instant!

The third principle is to understand that depression (or any state for that matter) is NOT a disease like FLU that must take days, weeks or months to run its course before you can better. Depression is a state that you CAN change IMMEDIATELY the moment you CHOOSE to MAKE IT A MUST. The moment you decide that you are SICK and TIRED of feeling LOUSY and you will NO LONGER stand for it, is the moment YOU CHANGE. My guess is that there must be some secondary benefit in your subconscious mind that makes you hold on to this lousy feeling. Is it because it gets you attention? Is it because it feels more comfortable and safe to feel depressed than to go out in the world and take action and dream big? Is it an excuse you use to avoid doing stuff? You have to make it a MUST to let go! No secondary benefit is worth it…isn't it?

Once you understand the 3 principles, let me tell you a few things you can do immediately to change how you feel (this is exactly what I did to change my Own state).

1) Write down all reasons why you must change NOW! Write down all the painful consequences of continuing to hold on to this depression. How is it costing you in terms of your health, career, family…. At the same time, write down all the benefits and pleasure you will experience if you can feel totally happy and confident! Then, VISUALIZE yourself experiencing the freedom, joy and abundance in your career, family, relationships and health now

2) Change your focus. What we choose to focus on consistently determines our reality and our emotions. I want you to focus on what you are grateful for and what you appreciate in your life. I want you to write down at least 10-20 things which you appreciate about your life. Focus on what you HAVE and what you want to achieve!

3) How you use your physical body and your physical health is a major factor affecting your emotions. I want you to begin to CARRY yourself AS IF you were totally happy and on top of the world. When you give a wide SMILE and GRIN, walk with a DANCE in your step, SPEAK faster and in an excited voice, Breathe DEEPER, look UP and lift your eyebrows, you will be amazed how it changes how you feel. At the same time, work out your body! Go for a swim, run, play tennis, jump on a trampoline. When your body is active…it is IMPOSSIBLE for your mind to access depression

4) Only use powerful words on yourself. From now, on keeping telling yourself how happy, healthy and lucky you are. We think by talking to ourselves. If you keep telling yourself how great life is, your mind will focus on and create that reality for you…

It’s Not What Happens to You. It’s What You Do About It

Let me introduce you to Nick Vujicic of Melbourne, Australia.



You see, many people blame their circumstances (e.g. Bad luck, no support, no money, no opportunities) for making them feel bad and for them not achieving the results they want. Yet, we know that we are the sole creator of our thoughts, feelings, actions and results!

A phrase I often like to quote in my Patterns of Excellence™ Live Training is  Event + Response = Outcome. Many people believe that it is the EVENTS or circumstances in their lives that MAKE THEM feel bad or fail.

To them, Event = Outcome. These people often say things like, People discourage me and that is why I failed, I was born with no opportunities and no money and that is why I am poor. She made me angry!

We know that many (in fact, all) successful and happy people are not the way they are because they only have happy events. In fact, many role models find themselves in the most adverse circumstances. But what allows them to be happy and successful DESPITE their problems? They know that it is not what happens to them that affects their outcome, but rather how they choose to respond and what they choose to do about it that makes the difference. To them, Event + RESPONSE = Outcome™.

The events in our lives only account for 10%. It is the way we CHOOSE to respond to these EVENTS that shape our feelings, actions and results.

Nick was born with no arms and no legs. On the day of his birth, his dad left the room to throw up and his mother was in tears. As a child, he was teased and bullied by his friends in school. Instead of CHOOSING to focus on his limitations, what he could not do and making himself feel useless and depressed, he instead chose to focus on what he HAD…his inner strength, his mind and his voice. Instead of blaming God, he chose to create a powerful meaning to his circumstances.

He chose to believe that being born this way happened for a purpose. God was using him as a model to inspiration and heal the world. The meaning we choose to give to our life's experiences is the meaning we create. We can choose to see our adversities as Problems or opportunities as punishments or blessings.

He chose to live not just an ordinary and normal life, but to live an extraordinary one. He went on to graduate with a Bachelor of Commerce majoring in Financial Planning and Accounting. He is also a motivational speaker and has thus far spoken to over a MILLION People in Indonesia, Sweden, USA, Africa, etc… His current goals are to become financially independent by the age of 25, through real estate investments, to modify a car for himself to drive and to be interviewed and share his story on the ” Oprah Winfrey Show “! Writing several best-selling books has been one of his dreams and the title of his upcoming book will be called “No Arms, No Legs, No Worries!”

Do check out his inspiring video. His story is truly amazing…makes yours amazing as well!

How We Can All Change The World

As many of you may already know, I just love watching movies and learn alot from the messages that they hold for a better life. I just came back from watching ‘Evan Almighty’, the sequel to Bruce Almighty (played by Jim Carrey). Although this show is a hilarious comedy, there were many powerful lessons that I took home.

In the show, Congressman Baxter(played by Steve Carell) prays to God that he would like to ‘Change the World’ as a newly elected politician. At the same time, his wife, prays that the family comes closer together as they embark on their new life in New York. Well, be careful what you wish for….

One day, God (played by Morgan Freeman) appears and asks him to build an Ark and to save one pair of each animal and as many people as he can. God tells him that a flood is coming to wipe out the town. Baxter, who starts building the Ark, becomes known as the Noah of New York. Not only does he get suspended as congressman, but he becomes the laughing stock of the whole city.

His wife and kids, who thinks he has gone nuts, abandons him in shame and asks him to seek ‘professional help’. His wife blames him for humiliating and breaking up the family. Baxter, continues to build the Ark alone while everyone laughs and hurls insults at him.

Then God appears to his wife as a waiter in a diner and asks why she is feeling so sad. After she explained what her husband had done, the waiter explains…

When you pray for courage, God does not give you courage. He gives you the OPPORTUNITY to become courageous.

When you pray for your family to become closer, God does not give you that fuzzy warm feeling. Instead, he gives you the OPPORTUNITY to become closer and stronger

It was at that moment that his wife realized that she had abandoned her husband in his time of need and that it was in this time of difficulty, that lay the opportunity for the family to become closer. She then returned with the kids to help him build the Ark

And when Baxter later asks God why he was CHOSEN to build the Ark, God replies that it was because he prayed to ‘Change the World’. ‘But how can I change the world?’ he asks.

God replies, ‘ We can all change the world by perfoming A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS (ARK) everyday.

Now, even if you may not be a religious person, remember that whatever we ask for, we will attract with our thoughts. This is known as the Law of Attraction. The powerful message that we can take away is this…

When you ask for wealth, money will not fall from the sky. Instead, you will be given the opportunity to become wealthy. And remember that opportunities always come hidden as problems.

When you ask for confidence, God will not make you confident. Instead, you will be given opportunities to build your self confidence. Maybe, there is a chance for you to volunteer as a leader, give a speech, stand up to a bully etc…

If you wish for people to love you, you will not have people come up to you suddenly and give you hugs. Instead, you may start to notice opportiunities where you can give your love and kindness to others, thereby giving them them chance to love you. Is there something kind that you could do for a friend or loved one today?

If you wish for happiness, you will not wake up one day feeling happy for no reason. Again, you will begin to notice opportunities where you can perform random acts of kindness to friends, family, strangers and even animals. And I guarantee that doing it will make you feel happy.

Do You Want to Achieve More In Life? First, Be Grateful For What You Have

Recently, a man came up to me during one of my seminars and started complaining about all the things that was not working in his life. He said that he hated his wife, his kids wouldn’t listen to him and he was given more work by his boss and with no increment to show for it. It was apparent that he was completely miserable and frustrated with his life.

He asked, ‘ How can I make my life work? Why must my life be full of all these problems?’ ‘ Do you really want to know the answer to your question?’, I asked. ‘Of course!’, he said. My answer to him was, ‘ If you want to achieve more in your life and be truly happy, then you must first be GRATEFUL for what you have now. Focus on all the resources YOU HAVE instead of what you don’t have and you will begin to attract alot more success.’

At first, he asked, ‘ what do I have to be grateful for? NOTHING is working right for me!’ I believe that no matter how bad our life seems at a particular moment, there are still many things that we can be grateful for.

No matter how bad life seems, there is always someone out there alot worse off. At any point of time, we can be grateful for the fact that we have the chance to wake up and be alive, that we have the eyes to see and the legs to walk around with. We can be grateful for the family that loves us, the mind to think, the opportunity of a new day and the fact that we are born in a country that is free of war and famine. Be grateful that we are born in a time and place where with enough desire and hardwork, we can create any future we want for ourselves.

I must admit that in the past, I too fell into the trap of being ungrateful and complaining about the things that were not working in my life. As a result, I found myself never being happy for more than a few minutes. Everytime I was happy to achieve something (e.g. winning a business deal or buying a sports car), some problem would surface to make me unhappy again. I used to think that I could only be happy when my life was finally free from problems.

I finally realized that this way of thinking is a receipe for disaster. It would only make me miserable for the rest of my life. This is simply because life will ALWAYS be filled with problems and challenges. In fact, the more successful you become, the more problems you will have. I believe that Bill Gates and George Bush have a lot bigger problems that you and me put together. The question is whether we want to look at the tough experiences in our life as problems that plague us or as challenges that we can be excited to conquer. You see, the only people without any problems are those in the graveyard. So, if you are only going to be happy and grateful when you have no more worries, then just wait to die.

Today, most people are astonished how I can be so happy all the time, despite having a crazy work schedule and having to battle business problems daily. The answer is that when I wake up every morning, I put my feet on the ground and say ‘THANK YOU’ for all the things that I have in my life. No matter what problems I had at the moment, I would choose to focus on all the great things that I have that I should be grateful for.

Every morning, I thank God for the wife that I have, my two wonderful children, my parents who are still with me, the fact that I have a job that allows me to empower people’s lives, my wonderful staff who work so hard with me side by side and so much more.

Whenever I catch myself complaining about anything, I would read about people like Mr. Amri Samat who has been paralized in his wheel chair for the last 20 years and recently had half his body amputated because of an infection.

Making The Right Choices

I work in a line where my job is to help people and to empower them to achieve their goals and live their dreams in life. I enjoy what I do tremendously and I love my ‘work’. Self-empowerment simply means taking charge of your own life, you and only you decides what is right for you and where you want to go in the future, you make your own decisions and stick with them, not giving in to doubt or fear that you may have made the wrong choice. It is simply about taking your own life back into your own hands and listening to your inner self instead of relying on others for your future happiness and success.

Most of us rely on others to make decisions for us and we go along with them, this can be for many different reasons such as insecurity, low self-esteem or simply because it seems the easiest way to go. We do this in a variety of situations, some are as simple as choosing which movie to go and see and you follow along with your partner’s choice or where you want to go and eat. Taking your life back into your own hands and making your own choices is a simple as making healthy positive choices be they mental, emotional or physical. The following are all tips for making the right choices that enables you to become self-empowering.

We all have self-doubt at sometime or other, this is natural, but too many negative thoughts harm our way of thinking. Negative thinking however always seems to be so much easier to instil than positive, whether we care to believe it or not our feelings and how we feel or think does have a huge impact on our lives and what we think we are capable of achieving or not. We can so easily talk ourselves out of making decisions and choices if we listen to that small doubtful inner voice that so often shows up.

It is those two little words that so often come to mind even without paying them much attention, that cause so many problems. Once the what if have surfaced then self-doubt begins to take over every time and we can then go from a positive attitude to a negative one very quickly. Affirmations work well for changing negative thinking into positive thinking and affirmations are simply positive short statements that are repeated to oneself out loud or just in the mind. Write down four or five simple short statements and when self-doubt and the creep in consciously replace it with one of your chosen affirmations.

Realise that it is you and only you which puts these negative thoughts there, for example if you get stuck in a traffic jam then you can curse and work yourself up all you want but it wont change the fact that your stuck in a jam. Do not blame other drivers, the road works holding you up etc., take responsibility for the fact that you chose to drive that way, you set off at that particular time and instead of stressing yourself and those around you just let it go and focus on aspects that are more positive while you are stuck. Take this time to listen to that new CD you bought, read the report from your briefcase, practise affirmations or a stress reducing exercise, there are many more positive things you can do during this time than think negative.

Start with the little everyday choices that you are faced with, for example when asked what movie you want to go and see, stop and think and make a choice don’t just ask what your partner or friend would like to see. When asked which restaurant you would like to go to, give a decisive answer. Take control of your life in the small ways first and build up gradually until you are comfortable with this new way of thinking.

It will probably take a while for this new, more confident and positive way of thinking becomes easy, after all you have let negative thoughts and feelings rule your life for so long, they wont change overnight. By practising and pulling yourself up when negative thoughts and feelings enter your mind and doing this day in and day out slowly you will gain control back over your life and become more self-empowered.

Your True Wealth & Security Lies in Your Mindset And Nobody Can Take This Away From You!

A few days ago, a middle-aged gentleman attended my Patterns of Excellence Introductory Seminar and signed up. He told me that he wanted to re-think and re-plan his life’s strategy as he felt like he wasn’t going anywhere in his career. What frustrated him was that he used to be very successful in school. He was the perfect student who studied hard, got top grades and went to Raffles Institution, Raffles Junior Colleges and to NUS, where he got a first class honors degree.

He did everything by the book and coudn’t understand why he had less success and money than some of his friends who were from lousier schools and had poorer grades. ‘Where did I go wrong?’, he asked me.

He always wanted to attend my program and learn NLP but procrastinated for a long time. What really made him take action was that he had enough about working so hard, but always getting passed up for a promotion. What’s worse was that his company (an MNC) was undergoing a restructuring and there was a high posisbility that he may get retrenched. At the age of 43, he had the fear of what he was going to do if it should happen to him. He came to me looking for answers.

I explained that the world had changed so much since our parents time and the advice they gave us in the past will not only NOT help us succeed, but it may kill us. In the past, change happened slowly and people would work for the same company their entire lives. In the old days, parents gave good advice like, ‘ study hard. Get good grades. find a good job with a good company. do as you are told. don’t rock the boat. the longer you stay and the more loyal you are, your value and pay will automatically increase until you finally get to retire at 50 with a nice secure pension.’

However, the world we live in today is vastly different. Technology and knowledge is changing so fast that 80% of what you learn in school is OBSOLETE by the time you graduate. The nature of jobs are changing so fast that 50% of the jobs that exist today will not exist or exist in a different form 10 years from now. So what does this mean? This means that when you work for a company today, there is no job or income security anymore. The longer you stay in a company, your value will begin to decline (if you don’t upgrade yourself continously and do things differentl). By the time you hit 45-50 years old, there is a 70% chance of being retrenched! Why? becasue your boss will know taht he can hire someone half your age, half your pay, double your energy, doing the same job! And even if you can find another job, it will probably be at a much much lower pay!

Many people who are holding their prestigious degrees and in prestigous positions (Senior managers, Vice-presidents, directors) think they have security. But it is really an ILLUSION of security. Because you do not own your job or your income. Both these can be taken away from us at any time.

So what will give us true income, true freedom and true security? The answer is in continually investing in yourself and upgrading yourself. Your true wealth and security lies in your mindset and your personal mastery skills in being able to continually motivate yourself and overcome adversity. No one can take this away from you! With the right mindset and personals success strategies, you will be able to ride the sea of changes and take charge of the environment, instead of allowing the environment take charge of you! You have to begin to master your mind and design your own destiny (or someone will design it for you)

Problems Are God’s Way Of Tapping You On the Shoulder

I just completed one of my final Introductory Seminars for my Patterns of Excellence Program and am happy to report that my next Intake 5-8 April is Almost Full. However, I want to relate to you an interesting experience I had with one of the participants who signed up last night.

He told me that the reason he chose to sign up eventually (he heard about my program 3 years ago, but never took action) was because his problems has become so severe that he could not take it anymore. His wife decided to leave him, he lost his job and suffered a mild heart attack just a few days ago. All this pain finally drove him to do something to change his life.

He told me that he wanted to come to the program to learn how to make all his problems go away. he said he wanted to be a successful and happy person like me who seemed to have no problems. He will only be happy if his life was free of problems and he believed that I could help him achieve this.

That’s when I stopped him and said, ‘ You have got the WHOLE WRONG IDEA!’ ‘ I cannot make your problems go away!’ In fact, I believe that the more successful you are, the more problems you will have. Everyone has problems at any given point of time in their lives. In fact, I would bet that Bill Gates (the world’s richest man) has his own set of problems and I can tell you that his problems are a lot bigger than yours and mine.

The only people without problems are those lying in the graveyard. So, if you want to have no problems, then GO AND DIE (of course I did not say this…he would have slapped me and not signed up).

But the question people always ask is why must life be full of problems? Why can’t everything go the way we want? Why must things be so difficult? Why do some people get hit with such big problems in life sometimes? (e.g. kids run away, wife leaves them, diagnosed with cancer, business failure).

Well, I believe that whenever a ‘problem’ arises in our life, it is God’s way of tapping us on the shoulder and telling us that we need to learn something or change our thoughts or actions.

If we keeping falling ill, it’s a tap on the shoulder that we are not eating right, not exercising enough or thinking of negative thoughts (emotional stress is the number of cause of physical illness). If our kids don’t want to listen to us, it’s a tap on a shoulder that we are not listening or spending enough time with them.

If you receive complaints about your work, it is a tap on the shoulder that you are not putting enough effort or you are doing things the wrong way. If you keep getting into arguments with your partner, it is a tap on the shoulder that you doing what is required to sustain a good relationship.

When we acknowldege God’s taps, learn the lesson and take positive action, we will move closer towards our goals and dreams in life. The trouble with most people is that they IGNORE the taps by justifying, avoiding, denying, giving excuses or blaming someone else for the problems arising. They say things like ‘ The stupid boss is just finding fault!’, ‘the clients are just unreasonable’, ‘ my kids are so ungrateful and defiant’, ‘ these chest pains will go away’, ‘ I wish my wife will quit nagging…just ignore her’.

So, what does God do when you don’t learn and do something to his taps? He starts tapping EVEN HARDER! This is when your problems start getting worst! Your business starts losing clients, the chest pains get worst, your kids start arguing and shouting back, quarrels with your partner gets more and more frequent.

And if you continue to IGNORE these taps, God will do whatever it takes until he gets his message across to you that you need to change your thoughts and actions. He will HIT YOU ON THE HEAD WITH A BRICK. This is when those major problems whack you in life… Your partner leaves you, your kids run away from home, you suffer a heart attack or you go bankrupt.

So, how do people choose to respond when they get hit with a brick? Some people will spend keep rubbing their head and complain of how much it hurts. These are the people who will just wallow in self-pity and depression. Some people will blame the person who threw the brick at them. These are the blamers in life.

Some people will reflect and ask, ‘what must I learn from this?’ ‘What is God trying to tell me?’. By asking this question and reflecting, they will finally get the message and start changing their life for the better. So, how are YOU dealing with God’s shoulder taps now???